You made it to Friday, which for many of you is a big accomplishment this week. These past 10 days have been emotional for many, to say the least. I have spoken to people who breathed a sigh of relief and felt much joy after this election, and many who are now navigating a path of disappointment, uncertainty, and fear. For those of you feeling the latter, I recorded a short message on Instagram for you.
Curious Conversations
I sat with my own emotions this past week, wondering how we have become so very divided, looking at a situation through two completely different lenses with absolute certainty that the other is wrong. One thing I know from decades now as a therapist—unless we work on understanding each other, there is no way forward.
This past week I also led a discussion for Mount Holyoke Alumni on having curious conversations. Here are a few things I offered:
DECISIONS
The decisions people make are often motivated by their values and their fears, which have formed based on their individual paths. Current life circumstances also motivate decisions.
BELIEFS
People’s beliefs are formed on the path they traveled to get there. Instead of focusing on their decisions, understanding their life situations and path is key to moving forward.
UNDERSTANDING
Understanding does not mean agreement, but it is the path to acceptance, which enables us to move on.
CURIOSITY
Instead of approaching a person or subject with certainty, if we lead with curiosity, asking the question “What am I missing here?” we may come to acceptance sooner.
HUMILITY
Humility is key in having these conversations. Entertaining the possibility that perhaps we could be wrong about a piece of our beliefs and expressing a willingness to understand will bring peace sooner than writing them off and any connection you have had with them in the past.
HOT-BUTTON CONVERSATIONS
If you will be seeing family or friends this holiday and know that there is potential for tension, please take a look at the segment I did for NBC News Now on having hot-button conversations.
Lastly, as a person of faith, I remind myself that no matter what happens, God is still good at being God. The plans for my life and my family will continue, and they are plans for our good.
I hope that helps some of you today.
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